According to objectivism, a man must listen to his reasons and not his emotions. But I fail to understand that how can our reasoning not be affected. Our life is not a mathematical phenomenon which is guided by theorems and equations. It’s a much more complicated theory where nothing seems to be absolute. Or so it seems to me.

What I have learnt in my life and what I believe in is not pure objectivism, of that I am sure. But objectivism is totally contrasting to altruism, or so I think. I believe in altruism and I have always believed in it. Now at this point in life I am confused between: reasons or emotions, self or others, love for few or love for all.

I read the conversation between Gail and Howard and its nothing sort of musical harmony, a symphony, an orgasm of intelligence. It automatically puts a smile on your face, a smile of appreciation, of confidence, of satisfaction, of having a chance to read those lines and happen to try to understand those two men. Only if were possible I would give anything to meet those men and listen them talking without  disturbing them. I have read the conversation between Dominique and Gail, and Dominique and Howard but they don’t match the brilliance of the one between Gail and Roark. The two have an un-said un-known understanding of each other right from the moment they met for the first time, it lends such an intimacy between them which is hard to even find in true lovers, like Dominique and Howard.

After reading more than half of this master piece, I am suddenly so aware of my thoughts. I am searching for an adjective to every thought and every feeling that I have every passing second. It’s a wonderful feeling to have and I have a gentle smile on my face of which I am aware and it calms me immensely. I feel like I can sit in a corner in a mob and be completely unaware of it, lost in my own thoughts if I want to. Or maybe I would love to observe the details in the mob because that’s one of the things I love about the world around me, its  details.

This renewed attempt to blog will mostly be an attempt to jotting down the random moments.

PS: It’s an interesting blog for all the nerds out there, quite a few creative and random stuff related to maths and programming.

PS1: Oh well, after proof reading the above content it sounds like I am just gonna be another blogger, duh.  All the joy just disappeared.

GATE TO GLORY

              A bell ringing somewhere in a distant universe seemed approaching, getting louder and louder. The alarm has just started beeping and Mr. Williams was already up. His servant had prepared coffee and placed it on the bedside table. He had been serving his master for last fifteen years and he knew exactly what to do and when to do. In this house nothing has changed much since his master and he were living in it. So he just placed the plate at its usual place and went away to do what he has been doing till now since all these years. But suddenly he thought what was to be done now. He was surprised because he never thought, everything was etched into his mind. He knew his master’s daily routine and that pretty much decided his routine as well. He knew his master would get up early in the morning at 6 in summers and at 6:30 in winters. He would have bed tea and give 30 minutes to his daily routine. Then he would have his breakfast while reading the newspaper, which took 30 minutes. Then he was off to his library which was basically a small rack of neatly piled books which together formed the most exhaustive encyclopedia of Quantum Physics that one can find. Near the library, there were three table on which plethora of things lay in random order. This was his masters laboratory and his master has spent his whole life at this table. He was instructed not to go near it. But when looked at from a distance one could very easily say that they mostly consisted of wires and wires and some more of it. If someone were to take a closer look he might find a range of magnets of different shapes and sizes hidden beneath the network of wires. He never understood what one could do with them and was always amazed to know that his master has spent his golden years working on this table. He never could understand the importance of this table till a few days back.
After taking his shower when Mr. Williams entered his room he saw his servant has washed and ironed his best pair of shirt and pant and placed it neatly on the bed. A light blue tie which matched perfectly with the clothing was placed beside it. He took his time and dressed up sprucely. He knew he didn’t have too many things to do today. It was a different day today, it was the special day today. He was delighted and felt relaxed, which was very unlike him. Suddenly everything was new to him. Every feeling was new to him. He was noticing things around him, which he had never noticed. He lived in the same room year after year but never noticed what it contained. He came to sleep here at nights but that too rarely. His chair was his bed and he hardly used pillows. But the same room now seemed to contain so many things that he had never noticed. He was wondering what this new feeling was. He was immersed so deeply in his subject that he never noticed anything else around him.

            He dressed up and came to the breakfast table where plates were already in place, waiting for him. When he had almost finished his breakfast he sent his servant for a cab. He was finally going there, the place he always dreamt of. He was excited and ecstatic.
As he sat in the cab a sudden gush of very strong memories took over him. Memories that lurked at the back of his mind motivating him through all his endeavors. He has first arrived in this city 35 years ago, as sprucely dressed as he was today. Going to the same place as he was going today, same excitement and a sense of fulfillment and confidence. The only difference was that he felt more confident today and the city had taught him to live the hard times. He remember very vividly the first day he arrived in this city. He was hopeful and nervous. He had to face an interview for admission to the college of his dreams. He had heard of only one college, even if others existed they never mattered to him because his college was the best in the world. He had only one dream, to get admission into this college. He has already conquered the first step to his destiny but he didn’t knew his destiny had different plans for him. After the interview, he was very eagerly waiting for the results, he knew he had given his best and was sure that he would be selected. But he was nervous, he was possessive. Finally the result came, he went through the names once and again and then again, but to his utter surprise his name wasn’t there. He was suddenly thrown back to the real world which was tough, unlike his world of dreams where he was allowed to play as he wished. He hurried to the office to check with the administration if there was some mistake. In his rush he brushed past a man who looked slightly familiar. He turned back to look at him, he knew this man, he was his interviewer. At the very moment he knew what was to be done. He summed up his courage and prepared himself for any surprises and slowly approached the interviewer.
He was a short man, carrying a book titled “Introduction to Quantum Physics”, who seemed unaware of his surrounding, lost in his own thoughts. He jerked back at the sudden query of this young man, who seemed a little anxious and said something so quickly he couldn’t understand. “Pardon, young man”, he said. “Sir, if you remember I was the last person to be interviewed this afternoon” ,young man said. “Oh yes, oh yes, I remember you. You are probably wondering why you haven’t been selected”, interrupted the professor. “Tell me my boy, if I were to ask you to pick a ball from a lot of gold and silver balls, which one would you choose? ”,he continued. “Sir, I would pick the gold ball”, young man replied hesitatingly. But he knew his query has been answered which was very obvious from the expression on his face. He only got more depressed. His mind was trying to find out what makes him one of those inferior lot. Probably because he wasn’t educated in one of those school which had a brand name but in one of those which exist only to satisfy the needs of poorer lot. He knew what professor was trying to point out. He probably was very good, but there were better ones than him. “Don’t be disheartened my boy, you are a young man with bright future and I can see that. Here, I have a small proposition for you, if you are interested you can think about it and tell me later”, his train of thoughts was interrupted by the professor. Professor started strolling and the young man followed him by his side. He didn’t knew what was about to come but whatever it was he was ready for it. “First let me formally introduce myself to you. My name is Charles Brave and I have been teaching here for last twenty years. My area of research is Quantum Physics and I have been working to solve the problem of unifying all the major laws of physics into one. This is a very interesting field of research and I presume you hardly know anything about it”. He was true, the boy thought. He continued to speak while they both were walking, “Now as you can see I am getting very old and I think I need someone to assist me in my work, someone who is young, enthusiastic and most of all one who dares to do something different. So here is my proposition I will give you a months time and a free pass to a local library which has a whole section dedicated to different sections of Quantum theories. You have to get yourself acquainted with the basic concept of the subject. I will be interacting with you every weekend to judge your progress and to see if you are really suitable for this job”. The boy stopped and thought for a moment. He knew this was his only chance to be associated with this college and that too a golden one. He was excited at this new development and at the same time a bit skeptical about the proposition made to him. He wasn’t very sure what his work would be like, he had no idea what one does in research works. He kept his doubts aside for now and thought that he has a months time to ponder over them but right now if he missed this opportunity he would miss a lot. On the other hand if he agreed over it he has nothing to loose but only to gain a new experience. There was only one problem though, where would he live. He was new to this city and has arrived in the city only this morning. He told the professor about it. The professor lived in a small house with his servant, he had no family as he didn’t marry. After giving it a thought professor agreed to let him live with him for a month and then they would decide what was to be done.

                  He started going to the library next day onwards. He started with the material suggested by professor to build his basics of the subject. He found that Quantum Physics was relatively new branch of science and not much of work has been done in this field. The feeling that he might discover something someday or he might postulate a theory in this field excited him and gave him motivation to continue. As he had nothing else to do than occasionally helping the servant at the professors house he devoted most of his time reading in the library. As days passed he developed a greater interest in quantum physics. Now he left library only for lunch, dinner and to sleep at nights. He would get up early in the morning and go to library and come home only after library was closed. The professor was greatly impressed by his dedication towards the subject and had a feeling that he hasn’t made a mistake. The final test was yet to be taken but somewhere down in his mind he had already taken a decision.
The end of the month was arriving and the enthusiasm in the young boy had touched new heights. He was fervently reading all the material suggested by the professor not because he had to pass this final test but because of the interest that he had developed over these days for the subject. Meetings and discussions that took place at the weekend with the professor ignited every hidden passion in the boy. Professor was delighted to see that the boy had a different angle of looking at the complex theories of Quantum Physics. He would go into depth of every theory until he was satisfied. In order to understand them in a better way he would sometimes associate them to day to day activities, which was only remarkable because quantum physics was all about random behavior of particles and associating them to such simple things was a great sign that boy was into the subject with all his heart. The professor didn’t conduct the test at the end of the month but presented him a book titled “Research: A way of life” by Ronald Knuth.

                  As time passed, he became more and more engrossed in his research work with the professor. He was now physics lab sampler at a local high school. He started learning the nuances of the subject from professor and professor too found him very helpful in his research work. Professor was getting very old now. He had already left the college and his health was on a decline. His only wish was that one day he could give a breakthrough theory which will help unifying the laws that governed gravity, magnetism, electricity and electromagnetism. He dreamt of giving the world a single equation which relates all these fields. He worked constantly to propose the postulates of the String Theory.

After eight long and fulfilling years, Williams had learnt a lot from his professor. But there is an end to every journey. Professor was no more in this world. He only wished he could change the destiny. He had just started getting hold of things and it was a long way to go. He had to make his professor’s dream come true.

                  After two years he was promoted from lab sampler to Deputy Lab Assistant. He was still a bachelor and had dedicated his whole life to research. He was still working on the dream project but without any support it was an uphill task. He carried out enumerable experiments in his small lab with limited number of resources that he could manage. Some of them did go according to his theories but most of his experiments produced nothing but frustration and distress. He tried to postulate theories based on his experiments but they too were rejected after a careful study by him or by other scientists. He had come in contact with many scholars and was famous among them for his unprecedented effort and dedication towards his work. In these tough times there were only two things that guided him, his teacher and his teacher’s dream which was now his dream as well.

              But as it is said that there is no substitute to hard work, and Williams was a marvelous example in this regard. He had worked for almost 25 years on the same theory and here he was going to be awarded for his work that he has carried out in all these years. His happiness knew no boundary today. He felt as if he had conquered the whole world.
            He got off the cab, it was only nine. It took him sometime to absorb this feeling. He looked on at the college gates, the gates to his glory. The morning sun shining bright on his face. He was amazed to realize that he has taken thirty five long years to come to this place, but it was all worth it. It was worth all those sleepless nights on which he used to debate with himself over one argument and then another. Those rejections from different corners of the world were not in vain. He only wished his teacher was there with him to share this feeling, he looked up in the sky and thanked his teacher and the God. He was appointed here as a faculty for Advanced Studies in Quantum Physics . What else would he want. He was a happy man now, a complete man.

Alright so here goes my list of wishes :

Wish# 1 : As I am smart enough to impress any girl out there [please dont kill me for this, I was just amusing myself] so I will just ask genie to grant me a muscular physique the way I want. Chand be aware I am coming dude.
Wish# 2 : I want to have just enough money to fulfil all my dreams. Wait a minute, I didnt say I have limited desires/dreams so basically I want lots of money.
Wish# 3 : When I was child I always wondered why do people fight, why is this world so bad and most of all can somebody do something to those politicians so that they become honest and work for our country’s sake. So Genie this is my third wish, just make politicians a better human being, if it is possible .
Wish# 4 : I am a peace loving guy. Really. So my fourth wish would be that all the people in this world live in perfect harmony with each other. No clashes, No terrorists and No bad feelings.
Wish# 5 : This one is taking too much of time. Ok genie just do one thing, I dont want my fifth wish right now, so come back when I am married, maybe I will need a wish then if I get trapped .

P.S. : I think I need to blog more often. So please keep tagging me.
P.P.S : Finally, I think I got over my Insomnia

P.P.P.S : Oh yes I want to tag a few lesser known guys/gals in the blogging arena :

Prashant Kumar Singh : If you remember the password of your account then please …

Prashasti Gupta : Only if you  get time after all your busy schedule

Srirang : Kahan ho bhai …

Well I used to dance when I was young, by young I mean 6-8 years old, on numbers that were quite famous then but I cant recall them now. But after that I never danced , not even on my uncle’s marriage , and now after coming to IIIT and dancing on the tracks that can set anyone’s foot tapping, things have taken a great leap. I am now pretty confident about dancing [i love DJ nights] in any major event and now I am always looking forward for DJ nights. If we
don’t have DJ nights for long then we play loud music in our room and dance till the NBH guard comes and shakes a booty or two with us . And in our celebration we are joined in by quite a number of people which makes it more enjoyable.

One of my greatest fantasies include dancing like Hrithik and Ganesh Hegde.I just wish I could dance like Hrithik [that maybe the fantasies of many].I dont think anyone can take his place, he is awesome at it. He is the GOD of dancing.

Finally I think I will be back after a looooooooong break from blogging.

Na jaane kab yeh hua
Na kisi ko khabar
Na khud ko pata
Khoye khoye rehte
Hum yahan hai
Silsilo ka silsila hai
Hua shuru abb jo nikle bhi jaan
Abb se humraahi chahton ke
Yeh jaise phela nasha.
Woh pheli nazar phela gumaar
Yun lage mohabbat hi jahan hai
Doston ki dosti yaaron ki yaari kam lagne lagi
Behke hai hum behka yeh sama hai

Kaise samjhaau tumjhe
Mera phela phela pyaar hai yeh
o O OO O O
Aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh
O Ooo oo O
Mera phela phela pyaar hai yeh
o O OO O O
Aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh
O Ooo oo O

Hawa bhi mili thi humein
Jhokon mein pooch rahi thi
Pyaar yeh agar nahi to phir kya hai

Aye aasmaan tu bhi aajkal saang chalta hai
Saaath leke chanda taare ..

Kaise samjhaau tumjhe
Mera phela phela pyaar hai yeh
o O OO O O
Aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh
O Ooo oo O
Mera phela phela pyaar hai yeh
o O OO O O
Aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh
O Ooo oo O
Mera phela phela pyaar hai yeh
o O OO O O
Aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh
O Ooo oo O

Just love this song and have already enjoyed it hundred of times before writing the post. And to my surprise something happened to realplayer while i was listening the song. It kept playing the song even after I had closed it. Well this is surely not strange but considering the number of times it played the song, makes it a lot strange.

The details are yet to come but you will have to wait for that.

Finally a post after what you may call eons !!!

PS: Mera Pehla Pehla Pyaar Tha Wo …

CM4>>> After my youngest sister was old enough to fight me, he took my favourite place that is, now everybody was loving her and caring her more than me.We fought every night for sleeping beside mom and obviously she was given prefernce. Now I started sleeping beside my grandmom. .Everynight when I went to sleep my grandma would narrate stories and actually there were only three stories that she knew but i never got bored of them. Along with it she used to move her fingers through my hair very slowly. And if somebody have had such an expirience he/she will understand how unbelievably
refreshing/revitalising it can be especially after you have had dinner fed to you by mom’s hand. AAH heaven.

CM5>>> How can I forget the fights that I have had with my cousins. I have three first cousins and I have fought with two of them for any and every single piece of crap.If he had a plane sheet of paper I cried for that silly thing and I wouldn’t stop untill it was destroyed or it was with me, the former was the most likely because my brother was no less than me.After I went to hostel I hardly got time to be with him but when I started preparing for IIT he also joined me and fortunately enough we were together and the experience was so enriching that I wish even now he was my roommate. I couldnt get a better roomie. And I would admit that though he is two years younger than me he is much more sensitive and hard-working than me.

CM6>>> If I get a chance to edit pages of my life then I would like to delete the pages which contains the year in which I entered eighth class. It was the worst year for reasons I can’t expose here. It was so miserable that every second saturday of the month i.e. on parent-teacher meeting ,I would sit at a channel gate through which I can see the parents coming and parking their cars while I sobbed and sobbed for hours at stretch without even caring for lunch. I only wished to god that somehow from one of those cars my parents appear and I would be so happy. It was a living hell for me.

I wish I had a time machine.

PS : Nothing is better than food prepapred by mom , I miss her terribly.

CM1 >>> When I was very young maybe three or four, I was very adamant and short tempered. I used to get angry very frequently and since I was the eldest and I didt had any siblings or cousins so my mother was the victim of all my anger. Now what i used to do to show my anger is that I took my bag stuffed with my toys and a some crap i had gathered from here and there and goto the door at the back of home after leaving a small chit for my mother that I am going away from home as nobody respects me here [I could remember the smile that played on my mom's lips after reading the chit]. But then I didnt go anywhere. I stood at the door for mom to come and carress me and love me, then she used to hold me in her hands and took me inside. When I think of those moments I really curse my hometown due to which I was send to a boarding school when I was very young[afer fifth class] and I guess I am still very young .

CM2>>>Since I was the eldest of my generation everybody in my family was very fond of me.Due to all this lad pyaar, I was very lazy at getting up in morning so what my father devised a formula to get me out of this habit. He used to bring TWO RASGOLLAS for me every night while I was asleep. After that the first thing that I did in the morning was to look at those two yummy rasgollas and I got them only after I had brushed. This continued till I was in fifth class and then I was send to boarding school[grrr I hate it].

CM3>>> I still remember the first day of my boarding. My eyes were teary but they didnt come out. I saw people of my age and elder to me sitting there from my wet eyes.As I have already mentioned that everybody was very fond of me and neither I went alone anywhere nor did I play with my neighbours. Everybody was so protective of me and then I was suddenly left into a jungle where I knew nobody. I wanted to go back to my home but that was impossible. I cried for the whole night. And now when I see it I realize I am still away from all the love of my family but I am happy now and I thank my parents to send me to boarding due to which I have evolved and become aware of the reality of this world.

I have still got to write a lot of them but I will save them for another post.

A living person whom i would like to meet :- If you are good at guess work then you should have already guessed who it will be. None other than Michael Jordan. I am so impressed by his skills that I watch his videos for hours and hours.

A dead person whom i would like to meet :- Well he is another person whom I admire the most in my life.I would like to meet Swami Vivekanand. I always wonder how could he learn the whole dictionary [even encyclopedias] and he remembered even the page numbers of books if he found something interesting, on the other hand I always used to forget my passwords in first semester and then Kulbir used to help me out of it.

An event in the history I would like to change:- Sigh. Oh please, not history I suck at it badly.But what I have heard from my friends and whatever I have understood from their long discussions about unknown[to me] people I would like to change the event when Indira Gandhi was shot dead.

An event in history I would like to witness :- After an hour of thinking all I can get is that I would like to witness the moment India got his freedom. No more history for another decade.Foolstop.:P

A movie which I would like to witness in real life without being a part of it :- Matrix would be my first choice. Cannot describe how amazing it would be to see “Neo” fighting with so many “Agents” at a time.

A literary character I would like to meet:- I haven’t read many novels but from whatever I have read I think I would like to meet Sherlock Holmes. I have read his four novels and almost half of the collection of his short stories. If you haven’t read “Blue Carbuncle” then what are you waiting for go and grab a copy of it you will instantly realize why he is my first choice.

PS: Thanx to maruti once again